K10Guys Profile Fishing WINNING in a SEA of PLAYERS

Remember these are my thoughts directed to men looking for real genuine relationships.

I can't believe I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. It has been a wonderful ride, and I am so thankful that I met him. However, prior to meeting him, I was single for a couple of years, and was a serial dater for around a year.

From my traditional perspective, I never messaged a guy first. The two times that I had messaged the guy first, we wound up dating for a while, but the balance was never right, and I was played both times.

My single guy friends and I would go out on weekend nights, playing wing man for each other. There is something really awesome and fun when you have a great group of guy and girl single friends. My guy friends and I would get into arguments about my refusal to write a guy first. They said that if a girl has interest she should let the guy know. In my opinion, there are too many players out there to go about it that way. (For the record there are plenty of girl players too. . . they just operate differently than their male counterparts.)

Now whenever I started to exclusively date a guy I took my profile down. Then when I was single again I put a new profile back up. (TIP: Make sure you use new pictures and a freshen up the text each time you return to online dating.) The first day my profile went up, I averaged between 100 to 200 new messages. At least 75% of those guys would be blocked immediately. A one line message with no substance, dirty mirror, demand list in their profile, totally negative profile, or NSA directed me right to the block button.

ARE YOU A QUALITY GUY
Well if you are a quality guy, you will be contacting women . . . a lot of them. Finding the right match takes time. Sure some people are lucky and meet the person right away, some people also settle into relationships. A quality guy doesn't feel the clock ticking, and knows that he is number one in his life, until he meets his queen. He is hobby dating when it fits into his schedule, and he will not start to change his schedule until he knows that the girl is worth it.

HOW DO GIRLS FIND QUALITY GUYS
Girls don't, the quality guy finds her. My boyfriend caught me with a one line message "the naked man - that's awesome." He read my profile, and picked one thing out of it to comment on. I remember that night so clearly because I was messaging with some other guys and the weather was very bad. I was tired and didn't even feel like messaging with anyone . . . but that one line, made me laugh, showed me he was interested, and was such a fresh comment that I had to reply.

I have coached many of my friends into long lasting relationships, and I can't believe I am sharing my secret girl to guy advice with you.

K10 GUYS RULES FOR FISHING
Remember you are a quality guy surrounded by players, and these rules will help you.
1) Filter the girls you are interested in and review your search results. Women will fib about their weight, just like how guys fib about their height. (TIP: Guys under 5'10" tend to add 1 inch to their true height.)

2) Check out the girls pictures and pick the ones you like.
(Do not get stuck in your head. Don't think she is out of your league . . . she's not.)
Now to play the numbers game you are going to write every girl who's picture you like. Quickly scan her profile and pick out one detail to comment on.

3) Never show a girl that you have no idea where your life is going or what is happening day to day.
There are so many boymen on the market today. Their life is a mess, and they have no idea where they are day to day. You need to have 1 goal, any goal, just 1 that is true to who you are.

You are playing the numbers like the players. You are sending out your hook and seeing if anyone bites.  

For every 100 messages you send out, you can expect about 10 replies. A quality girl will reply to you on her time. She may only check her online dating account once a week. Quality girls and guys never feel pressured. Remember she doesn't know you yet. You are still a stranger. Once you start communicating with each other, the communication should be consistent. People that pop in and out of contact with you in the dating scene are treating you as an option. You want to be a priority. People treat you the way you let them treat you. No women is entitled to walk all over you, because you are a decent man.

Do not be afraid to cut conversations short with girls. Your goal is getting from one date to the next. You want to make it to the third date. You want to spend time with the person you are dating. Not create an online texting romance.

NEVER DISCUSS SEX BEFORE YOU MEET! 
NEVER DISCUSS SEX BEFORE YOU MEET!
NEVER ASK A GIRL FOR MORE PICTURES BEFORE YOU MEET!
These are entrance topics and questions to NSA. 

DO ASK:
What do you think an ideal relationship looks like?

Some people text all the time, while others are still paying per text . . . how often do you text and what do you think is the right amount of time to get a reply?

What was the most fun you have ever had?

If money was no object what would do right now?

DO:
CUT THE CONVERSATION SHORT WHEN IT IS GOING REALLY WELL

KEEP YOUR WORD - If you say you are going to call, make sure you call when you say you will.

SHOW UP ON TIME - I arrive at a date 15 minutes prior to the time we are supposed to meet, because I am checking you out. It is amazing what you guys do while I am watching you from a hidden location. I will show myself after you text me you are there and I have had the chance to get a good look at you. If you misrepresented yourself, I will leave.  One guy "delayed" our first date and hour because his cousin needed help with something. He said "It's my cousin and he is my family so I have to help him."  He called me 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet. I was already there. I agreed to see him in an hour . . .but within 10 minutes I was so pissed that I drove home and texted him that it just isn't going to work. He also turned stalkerish.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF and HAVE FUN!

I WELCOME COMMENTS FROM GUYS and GIRLS.
Please get to know each other and help each other out!

WORST DATE EVER

I want to keep today light, and hopefully we all will learn somethings about each other along the way. My worst date . . . I had a lot to choose from . . . but I do have a winner.

We will call him Tony, because he was Italian, and totally rode that horn! He had a real Italian name that ended in a vowel. He found me on POF, and although his profile picture was a snap shot of a picture, I was thrown off because his profile was written so well. He spoke about family and adventurous hobbies, and I was intrigued. Oh and he didn't text either. Which I can understand, because some of my friends are still on track phones.

Those of you who know me well, can surely imagine the way I interrogated him about why he doesn't own a smartphone. Still I try to give everyone a fair chance, and he was attractive in that picture. He turned me off when he told me he would be in Montauk for the weekend with his friends, shark diving, and he wanted me to meet them and go. I had just started speaking to him, and was not going to go be a groupie in Montauk. He was totally confused why I would not jump at the chance.

He was so proud to share how he is a commercial real estate owner, and he loves doing things with his friends, but is missing that special someone in his life. He was never married, and around 38 years old. He told me I was missing out, and I told him maybe another time. Never thought I would hear from him again.

That weekend, I received several phone calls where he updated me about his itinerary. I still would not meet him. Over the next six months, Tony would randomly call and try to arrange a date. Over that time I did develop a friendship with him. He had a rawness of emotion that I enjoyed getting to know. I was also a sucker when he went on about his mustang (he is one of the reasons I have a no mustang rule.).

His initial pushiness, turned into persistence and I thought that was something to admire. He lived in Connecticut, about 2 hours from me. After six months of Tony patiently waiting, as he listened to my adventures in dating, I finally decided I would meet him.

I took the ferry to Connecticut, and he planned on meeting me there to go to lunch. I purposely chose to go to him, since I would be able to escape if I had to. There is nothing worse then trying to get rid of someone you are having a miserable time with.

Tony told me he would pick me up in his red mustang, and the top would be down, and he assured me that he would be easy to spot.

As the ferry pulled up, I looked for him, and I did not see him. I walked out to the parking lot, and waited, and then I heard it. The mustang must be around the corner . . . and unfortunately it was. A old rusty, mustang with the top down. The driver, in my eyes, looked like a much older and heavier version of the picture I had seen. Now, I am pissed, because if this was a local date, I would have turned around and walked away for having a picture so deceiving online. I did however, get to know him over the last six months, and thought it would just be too mean to walk away at that point. Besides, what is wrong with a little lunch?

He opened my door (that is a plus) and then asked me where I would like to go. I explained it would be nice to go to something casual laid back, and quiet so we can talk and get to know each other. I was still holding a little bit of hope that the date would turn out well. The he told me he knew the perfect place.

We pulled into a packed parking lot, in front of a huge Chinese Buffet! The entrance was packed, with standing room only, and a half hour wait. Tony looked at me, and smiled, and said, "That isn't too bad."

We had an interesting lunch, taking turns to the buffet. Then after he asked me what I would like to do, and I felt bad and said we could go to a park or someplace outside that we can talk. The entire time I am trying to find a way to escape without totally going MIA.

He drove me the scenic way to a beautiful park, that conveniently drove us past his home, commercial properties, and local hangouts. Yes he gave me the entire tour, mentioned past girlfriend stories, and also threw in there how I could stay over if I would like.

Since I told him I needed to get back home, he offered to take me to the ferry. I told him we could hangout a little while longer and I would take the next ferry. While walking in the park Tony recognized someone, and told me about how this guy was a loser, then proceed to drag me over to meet him. After we spoke to them I turned to Tony and said, "I should go to the ferry now, I am not feeling this, and I need to get home."

He agreed, and took me to the ferry, we parted with a quick kiss on the cheek, and away I went. Safe, on the ferry and heading home. Then my phone rings. It is Tony calling. I pick it up, and he is pissed. He wanted me to give him an explanation exactly why I didn't stay and what went wrong. He felt there must have been one thing that derailed this. He didn't have any clue it was that I just didn't feel anything romantic for him at all. We ended that call really poorly. I thought I would never hear from him again.

He did call me a few more times over the months and I refused to pick up the phone. I got a new phone, and didn't bring over his contact info. Then about 2 months ago (well over a year since our date) I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I asked who it was. He wrote his name, and I immediately went to the block feature on my phone. Love Android and the free block feature.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Buffet is never a good idea for a first date, unless she says she LOVES it.

Never never talk details about past girlfriends. I know I will specifically ask, because some guys really bash their ex's . . . but it is a trap I set. If I ask, I expect the response to be something along the lines of, "we wanted different things," or "it just wasn't the right fit." Not about how she complained all the time.

Never forget the basics. If there is a red flag on the profile (ie the profile picture that wasn't digital) move on.
Please share your dating horror stories!

Breaking Girl Code

Hello to All The K10Guys! Today I am breaking the Girl Code.

Girl Code is very different than Guy Code. Where Guy Code consists of rules of play to ensure the guys play nice together, Girl Code, is actually the way that girls speak.

As always, I am not claiming to be an expert on anything, and my articles are all based on my personal experience and opinions.

Have you ever listened to a group of girls or women speaking? There seems to be no order or logic, and the conversations can be exhausting for a man to follow. Many men, won't follow the girl talk, and will tune it out. A great way for women to share confidential information together often right next to the guys they are talking about; who are tuning them out. So what are the women saying?

GIRL CODE
Breaking the code is very simple once you understand the pattern. First, every girl who is in the group, comes with the expectation that she will get to express her opinions and hopefully get some good advice from her girlfriends.

All girls are entitled to speak about whatever they want, whenever they want. When Marsha wants to talk about dogs and Jane about cats, Marsha will lead the conversation about dogs, and then Jan will answer first by acknowledging what Marsha said, then start a new conversation about cats. Then Marsha will continue to speak about dogs and answer Jane about cats. I know this is confusing, even for me, and I am a girl.

Marsha and Jane are enjoying their chat, and Cindy walks in the room. They acknowledge Cindy is joining in the conversation. Cindy asks what they are talking about, then says to them "Dogs and cats are so hairy, I don't like them at all . . . reminds me of that guy Peter. Speaking of Peter, did anyone see his new hair cut?"

Now there are three conversations happening at one time in a round robin fashion. Answer each of the topics on the floor, and add your own. The women will speak erratically. They connect two topics that have nothing to do with each other. Girls can take you down a rabbit hole and pull you back out at a rate of 60+wpm. They can switch the order of the conversation without warning. It is the responsibility of the listener to keep up.

The only exclusion to the circular conversation, is when something very traumatic is happening to one of the girls. In that case, there will be only one topic spoken about at that time. That one topic will continue on and on and on, until the time when that girl says she "doesn't want to talk about it anymore." This could be minutes, days or months. Sometimes women will avoid each other because they know they are supposed to be there, and listen, but sometimes it is just too much for any girl to handle.

I hope this gives you a little more insight into Girl Code. Next time you hear a group of girls talking, try to notice how many different subjects they are negotiating at one time.

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MTFBWU
Kristen :-)