WARNING: This blog is intended for guys. I have always had a guy best friend (usually one gay and one straight). I have found that the way I share ideas with my guy friends is very different than my girlfriends. I may be harsh, I may take liberties with "absolute statements," but I am trying to make you think about things differently and make a change, that logically gives you a different result.
In the dating game, and I do mean game, you can find yourself in the dreaded friend zone. It is a place where girls keep the guys that they want in their life but don't want to date (at that moment). The Friend Zone is a place where girls KEEP MEN THAT THEY WANT IN THEIR LIFE. This is NOT a bad place to be. It means you have at least 75% or more of what she is looking for, but something is missing. Most likely she has said that there isn't a "click."
The "Click" is a bunch of BS to me.
How do you move out of the friend zone? Be prepared to lose her! Not in a "oh if I can't be your boyfriend I have to move on drama fest," but in a "I took up a new sport, and am busy." There is something incredibly attractive about a guy who has a FULL LIFE.
SET BOUNDARIES
Do not give her the perks of being your girlfriend without her giving you a reason to deserve that level of commitment, trust, loyalty and fun! There is something rare about a true real human connection. Both people have to be ready for it. Why buy the cow if the milk is free. For many men the MILK equals SEX. For women that MILK can be friendship, confidence boosting, better than nothing, a body guard, a free meal, nice gifts, trips. Some girls collect guy friends like Pandora Charms.
WHAT DO YOU WANT
Besides the basics think about . . .
What makes YOU happy?
What goals do you have for your life?
What expectations do you have of your partner?
How much time and commitment can you give to your partner?
(Do not take the easy road and say it is 100% and 100% give, because you MUST take care of yourself.)
FRIEND ZONE CHICK
SHE put you in the friend zone. Now you PUT HER THERE and LEAVE HER THERE until further notice. She isn't just in the friend zone, but at the bottom of the list . . . put her on the same level as your flakiest friend. You care about her, you'll be there, but you are not going to be an idiot and make plans with a flake that always bails last minute.
LIVE YOUR LIFE AND DATE
Live your life, get a new hobby, make a change. Expose yourself to as many new people as possible. Discover who you are today, and start to work on something great. When you talk to your FRIEND ZONE CHICK, and she asks you about dating (which she will), tell her about what you discovered you are looking for. Explain that you have no idea where she could be, but you are confident she is out there. NEVER say it is HER. Remember you already found yourself in the friend zone by putting it out there and she rejected you.
THIS ISN'T MANIPULATION
You aren't being "fake" and you aren't scheming. You are doing YOU! Either she wants you or she doesn't. You being with her all the time as her best friend, in the group to pick up the pieces of her broken heart each time a man breaks her and she needs advice from another guy that you aren't all jerks, isn't going to make her fall for you. You have become her big brother or father. (Man I want to start talking about how the messed up parenting of the past resulted in dysfunctional adults who can't figure out how to have a healthy individual life while being in a committed relationship.)
WHEN SHE COMES BACK TRAP
She cares for you and wants you in her life. This is why you are in the friend zone. Now that you have become a little less into her, she is curious why. She may call you in a moment of need, she may even come on to you and try to get you in the sack, just to have a moment of clarity the next morning that it was all a mistake . . . but you will not fall for it. Your meetings are in public places and in groups. That alone time she cherished with you is reserved for a girl that DESERVES YOUR TIME.
END GAME
She is showing interest in you, she wants to see you, she may even want to kiss or date you. YOU have to BE STRONG. Think with the top head, and do not let her take control of the situation. YOU have to give her an ultimatum at this point.
FINAL WORD
All the time, all the years, all the money spent on a girl who doesn't deserve it is like attending classes on a subject that you will never use. It is interesting, an opportunity for growth, but not really anything to do with your life plan. You are valuable, you are unique, you have to do you. Then maybe there will be a person to share your life with.
MTFBWU
Kristen
If you like me, SHARE me. Comment and ask questions. I know everyone is different la la la . . . I was a serial dater once. I have sooooo many stories to share, and I want to know that someone is out there listening :)
What is it about a Gentleman's Club that is so appealing? I have heard about the infamous Scores NYC for a long time. It always seemed to standout and be its own place separate from the seedy strip clubs. I have recently been invited to attend a special event at Scores AC, in Trump Taj Mahal.
I would like the men who follow me to answer these questions:
